February 27, 2011
first kisses
so my wife and I were watching this gum commercial that said the average person has 28 first kisses. 28? that sure seemed like a lot to us. of course i guess we're a bit of an anomaly since we've known each other since junior high. i only got to like 18 - my wife thankfully was less at 12. i assume i'm one of them. but think about it - 28 - that's a lot of lips and spit. in today's society that a reasonable amount of something else as well? the human mouth has 600 different species of bacteria with 100 million per mililiter of spit - yikes! and then you're swapping with 28 others - i'm not really a super germ-a-phobe despite being a microbiology major, but that kinda makes you reconsider kissing strangers (i've honestly been trying to cut back, especially the beards). how many have you swapped with in your lifetime?
February 21, 2011
February 17, 2011
ED senses
so first a disclaimer - this is going to get a bit graphic, but there is this sick sense of humor quality that permeates all minds that spend to much time in the ER. so now that that's done ---
there's the quality about the ED that you develop where you hone your senses onto a new level. the 5 senses seems to take on a different form and your start to recognized unmistakable patterns in patient populations universal across all emergency departments - if you work in one, you'll know exactly what I mean - otherwise you'll get it soon enough as I break it down.
1. sight - there are quite a few unmistakable things you'll see. one my personal favorites is the "PID shuffle" - its stands for pelvic inflammatory disease - its an unmistakable walk a young liberated female has when she's got a pretty bad STD - they tend to drag their feet along the ground basically trying to keep there legs as closed as humanly possible - i've still never decided if its because of 1. pain 2. not wanting more things to escape or 3.not wanting anything else inside - my humor side says 3 - but my repeat business tells me that 3 only lasts so long. of course its easily treatable and curable until you reinfect - which reminds me of a great moment I had in the ED a few days ago -
Me: Mrs. X, I sorry to tell you, but you have trichomonas - its a sexually transmitted disease, but its easily treatable.
Her: Really? so how'd I get it?
Me: Maam, you have trichomonas - its a sexually transmitted disease.
Her: well, you must be mistaken. I only sleep with one guy.
Me: Maam, you have trichomonas - its a sexually transmitted disease.
Her: Am I going to have it forever?
Me: Maam, you have trichomonas - its a sexually transmitted disease, but its easily treatable.
Her: oh good, so after we treat it I can't get it again, right?
the sight of blood is inevitable as well. blood doesn't bother me - the only blood that is bothersome is squirting blood. squirting blood mean i have to do something about it sooner rather than later. well usually. all bleeding eventually stops - direct pressure clots off things - so does death - unfortunately i've stopped bleeding both ways
2. sound - there a distinctive sound that reasonates occasionally - the sound of a demented old lady feeling like she's being attacked. i guess in a way she is - we usually are stabbing her with a large sharp needle or trying to put a catheter in her bladder which only goes in one way. this noise is less bothersome. the screaming of a drug seeker usually tops all- my personal favorite. as long as its not my patient - "give me the name of your supervisior" "I'm reporting you to the state" "all i wanted was help for my pain and you ignored me" "you'll be hearing from my lawyer" - thank you sir - i heard that the last 8 times you were here. thankfully narcotics are all discretionary - i'm not obligated to give anyone anything if i don't feel its justified. and the hospital/state/lawyers back you up usually.
the real clincher is the hollaring of a disimpaction. no one calls for mommy quicker than when you've gotta pull poop out of them. lets just say old captain hook usually does the job.
other senses to come...
there's the quality about the ED that you develop where you hone your senses onto a new level. the 5 senses seems to take on a different form and your start to recognized unmistakable patterns in patient populations universal across all emergency departments - if you work in one, you'll know exactly what I mean - otherwise you'll get it soon enough as I break it down.
1. sight - there are quite a few unmistakable things you'll see. one my personal favorites is the "PID shuffle" - its stands for pelvic inflammatory disease - its an unmistakable walk a young liberated female has when she's got a pretty bad STD - they tend to drag their feet along the ground basically trying to keep there legs as closed as humanly possible - i've still never decided if its because of 1. pain 2. not wanting more things to escape or 3.not wanting anything else inside - my humor side says 3 - but my repeat business tells me that 3 only lasts so long. of course its easily treatable and curable until you reinfect - which reminds me of a great moment I had in the ED a few days ago -
Me: Mrs. X, I sorry to tell you, but you have trichomonas - its a sexually transmitted disease, but its easily treatable.
Her: Really? so how'd I get it?
Me: Maam, you have trichomonas - its a sexually transmitted disease.
Her: well, you must be mistaken. I only sleep with one guy.
Me: Maam, you have trichomonas - its a sexually transmitted disease.
Her: Am I going to have it forever?
Me: Maam, you have trichomonas - its a sexually transmitted disease, but its easily treatable.
Her: oh good, so after we treat it I can't get it again, right?
the sight of blood is inevitable as well. blood doesn't bother me - the only blood that is bothersome is squirting blood. squirting blood mean i have to do something about it sooner rather than later. well usually. all bleeding eventually stops - direct pressure clots off things - so does death - unfortunately i've stopped bleeding both ways
2. sound - there a distinctive sound that reasonates occasionally - the sound of a demented old lady feeling like she's being attacked. i guess in a way she is - we usually are stabbing her with a large sharp needle or trying to put a catheter in her bladder which only goes in one way. this noise is less bothersome. the screaming of a drug seeker usually tops all- my personal favorite. as long as its not my patient - "give me the name of your supervisior" "I'm reporting you to the state" "all i wanted was help for my pain and you ignored me" "you'll be hearing from my lawyer" - thank you sir - i heard that the last 8 times you were here. thankfully narcotics are all discretionary - i'm not obligated to give anyone anything if i don't feel its justified. and the hospital/state/lawyers back you up usually.
the real clincher is the hollaring of a disimpaction. no one calls for mommy quicker than when you've gotta pull poop out of them. lets just say old captain hook usually does the job.
other senses to come...
February 14, 2011
vday toon
February 10, 2011
February 07, 2011
February 04, 2011
church hunting
so we're still pretty new in this town - only 6 months or so now
unfortunately, we still haven't found the right church for us. we've officially now been to 14 churches. that's right, 14. there are at least that many sundays in 6 months - minus the days i had to work during church.
its been this wide variety of stuff. we grew up episcopalian - but are not really interested much in that after the big split and the whole "Jesus isn't the only way" fiasco - so we've been branching out.
i know i mentioned previously that we were looking for a church somewhere between animal sacrifice and laser light shows - and we've pretty much seen that full spectrum. one of our earlier sundays we tried this megachurch in the closest suburb to where we live - mega-mania - starbucks in the lobby, kid check in with a key chain barcode, road cycling team signing up participants in the lobby -fully decked out in their "this is not a jewish synagogue spandex" - and then we went inside. total rock concert - laser lights, smoke, flashing lights that shot out into the crowd - and the yelling. i have this thing about when the pastor yells. if you have to scream to make your point, its probably not that good of a point to begin with. but we tried it - and found ourselves there for an actual rock concert the next month - well it was steven curtis chapman - but he did rock out (she made me go - but it was pretty good - if you could get past the 40 and 50 yr old chubby row behind us dancing) - so we haven't been back there yet
-this week was actually very entertaining. a smaller non-denon church north of us. decent worship, a little bit odd people and the pastor was hilarious. a little too hilarious. i definatetly felt like we were at stand-up night at a club. he did my other main pet peeve of pastors - asking you constantly to repeat things to him. "church say - power, say in the right - say freedom" - you know the whole congregation in unison - its kind of this weird hypnotist power that they have to command at will. ( i saw the light - and the light was green - green with money - give me your money) i actually kinda like that church in a strange way, but there has to be some element of reverence or holiness - don't think i can go to the comedy club year round on sundays. - he did say one thing i thought was pretty interesting - the pastor said, "get you screaming voices ready, your stomping feet ready, you clapping hands ready - because we are here for heaven practice every week.'' guess i never really thought of it that way, but it is an interesting concept. church is heaven practice. In some ways i think that's probably pretty true - good thing i've got me good shoes on for the stomping
then there's been all in between - i was kinda kidding about the animal sacrifice stuff - but i'm sure we could find it here in town. we're kinda narrowed to 2 presby churches and 2 nondenoms - still not sure - but they at least have reasonable mix of semicontemporary music and reasonable teaching. one of those has a pastor that has cried in all 3 sermons we've heard from him- not sure about that one - its not necessarily at a very emotional moment either - i'm a little concerned about his stability - but its still on the list.
there's one downtown we like - good liturgy and teaching, but they only sing old hymns - i like a good old hymn every now and then - especially if its gots some contemporary pep - but this is drudgery and i'm pretty sure the pianist is playing them in slow motion. the words kinda slowly crawl off the tongue to slow down to the beat.
i don't know where we'll end up. just tired of searching. thinking about giving in and going for the people and some solid Word. its tough to think you're smack dab in the bible belt and can't find a church that doesn't give you the heebs or break into snore during the service.
my poor kids too- that's 14 different nurseries, 14 nursery ladies with crazy hair, weird smells, "safe for everyone" snacks, even stranger checkin policies (keychains, wristbands, bracelets, back stickers) and clowns painted on the wall - i'm pretty sure my 2 yr old thinks we go to the circus every sunday - mostly because sometimes its like that.
not sure where we'll end up, but we'll keep you posted on the adventure - and the snake charmers
unfortunately, we still haven't found the right church for us. we've officially now been to 14 churches. that's right, 14. there are at least that many sundays in 6 months - minus the days i had to work during church.
its been this wide variety of stuff. we grew up episcopalian - but are not really interested much in that after the big split and the whole "Jesus isn't the only way" fiasco - so we've been branching out.
i know i mentioned previously that we were looking for a church somewhere between animal sacrifice and laser light shows - and we've pretty much seen that full spectrum. one of our earlier sundays we tried this megachurch in the closest suburb to where we live - mega-mania - starbucks in the lobby, kid check in with a key chain barcode, road cycling team signing up participants in the lobby -fully decked out in their "this is not a jewish synagogue spandex" - and then we went inside. total rock concert - laser lights, smoke, flashing lights that shot out into the crowd - and the yelling. i have this thing about when the pastor yells. if you have to scream to make your point, its probably not that good of a point to begin with. but we tried it - and found ourselves there for an actual rock concert the next month - well it was steven curtis chapman - but he did rock out (she made me go - but it was pretty good - if you could get past the 40 and 50 yr old chubby row behind us dancing) - so we haven't been back there yet
-this week was actually very entertaining. a smaller non-denon church north of us. decent worship, a little bit odd people and the pastor was hilarious. a little too hilarious. i definatetly felt like we were at stand-up night at a club. he did my other main pet peeve of pastors - asking you constantly to repeat things to him. "church say - power, say in the right - say freedom" - you know the whole congregation in unison - its kind of this weird hypnotist power that they have to command at will. ( i saw the light - and the light was green - green with money - give me your money) i actually kinda like that church in a strange way, but there has to be some element of reverence or holiness - don't think i can go to the comedy club year round on sundays. - he did say one thing i thought was pretty interesting - the pastor said, "get you screaming voices ready, your stomping feet ready, you clapping hands ready - because we are here for heaven practice every week.'' guess i never really thought of it that way, but it is an interesting concept. church is heaven practice. In some ways i think that's probably pretty true - good thing i've got me good shoes on for the stomping
then there's been all in between - i was kinda kidding about the animal sacrifice stuff - but i'm sure we could find it here in town. we're kinda narrowed to 2 presby churches and 2 nondenoms - still not sure - but they at least have reasonable mix of semicontemporary music and reasonable teaching. one of those has a pastor that has cried in all 3 sermons we've heard from him- not sure about that one - its not necessarily at a very emotional moment either - i'm a little concerned about his stability - but its still on the list.
there's one downtown we like - good liturgy and teaching, but they only sing old hymns - i like a good old hymn every now and then - especially if its gots some contemporary pep - but this is drudgery and i'm pretty sure the pianist is playing them in slow motion. the words kinda slowly crawl off the tongue to slow down to the beat.
i don't know where we'll end up. just tired of searching. thinking about giving in and going for the people and some solid Word. its tough to think you're smack dab in the bible belt and can't find a church that doesn't give you the heebs or break into snore during the service.
my poor kids too- that's 14 different nurseries, 14 nursery ladies with crazy hair, weird smells, "safe for everyone" snacks, even stranger checkin policies (keychains, wristbands, bracelets, back stickers) and clowns painted on the wall - i'm pretty sure my 2 yr old thinks we go to the circus every sunday - mostly because sometimes its like that.
not sure where we'll end up, but we'll keep you posted on the adventure - and the snake charmers
February 02, 2011
toon
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