ED senses

so first a disclaimer - this is going to get a bit graphic, but there is this sick sense of humor quality that permeates all minds that spend to much time in the ER.  so now that that's done ---

there's the quality about the ED that you develop where you hone your senses onto a new level.  the 5 senses seems to take on a different form and your start to recognized unmistakable patterns in patient populations universal across all emergency departments - if you work in one, you'll know exactly what I mean - otherwise you'll get it soon enough as I break it down.

1. sight - there are quite a few unmistakable things you'll see.  one my personal favorites is the "PID shuffle" - its stands for pelvic inflammatory disease -  its an unmistakable walk a young liberated female has when she's got a pretty bad STD - they tend to drag their feet along the ground basically trying to keep there legs as closed as humanly possible - i've still never decided if its because of 1. pain 2. not wanting more things to escape or 3.not wanting anything else inside - my humor side says 3 - but my repeat business tells me that 3 only lasts so long.  of course its easily treatable and curable until you reinfect - which reminds me of a great moment I had in the ED a few days ago -
Me: Mrs. X, I sorry to tell you, but you have trichomonas - its a sexually transmitted disease, but its easily treatable.
Her: Really?  so how'd I get it?
Me: Maam, you have trichomonas - its a sexually transmitted disease.
Her: well, you must be mistaken. I only sleep with one guy.
Me: Maam, you have trichomonas - its a sexually transmitted disease.
Her: Am I going to have it forever?
Me: Maam, you have trichomonas - its a sexually transmitted disease, but its easily treatable.
Her: oh good, so after we treat it I can't get it again, right?

the sight of blood is inevitable as well.  blood doesn't bother me - the only blood that is bothersome is squirting blood.  squirting blood mean i have to do something about it sooner rather than later.  well usually.  all bleeding eventually stops - direct pressure clots off things - so does death - unfortunately i've stopped bleeding both ways

2. sound - there a distinctive sound that reasonates occasionally - the sound of a demented old lady feeling like she's being attacked.  i guess in a way she is - we usually are stabbing her with a large sharp needle or trying to put a catheter in her bladder which only goes in one way.  this noise is less bothersome.  the screaming of a drug seeker usually tops all- my personal favorite.  as long as its not my patient - "give me the name of your supervisior"  "I'm reporting you to the state" "all i wanted was help for my pain and you ignored me"  "you'll be hearing from my lawyer" - thank you sir - i heard that the last 8 times you were here.  thankfully narcotics are all discretionary - i'm not obligated to give anyone anything if i don't feel its justified.  and the hospital/state/lawyers back you up usually.
the real clincher is the hollaring of a disimpaction.  no one calls for mommy quicker than when you've gotta pull poop out of them.  lets just say old captain hook usually does the job.

other senses to come...